Day 290

Sunday 16th October 2016

I have realised that for all my life I have lived with many insecurities. I have heard a saying that “your childhood is something you spend the rest of your life getting over.” 

I would say I had a really good childhood.  I had a family who loved me and wanted the best for me. I would say I have been very fortunate with my upbringing. However, at school I was bullied for being overweight, dyslexic, for not being confident and for many different things. 

When you are a child other kids can be really cruel. Even though I had a good childhood I had a very low self esteem from what other kids said. 

So that saying “childhood is something you spend the rest of your life getting over” in my case is true. I find a lot of the insecurities I had as a child I brought with me to adulthood. 

I don’t think you realise half the time the things you put up with in life. My emotions were really a bit of a mess – it was like someone was gradually pushing me through the shredder.

A lady at church today said that too – that it’s like we are being torn apart but it’s not too late, we can still be fixed. 

I think this year I am being fixed – all those shredded pieces are being joined back together.  I am going through that shredder in reverse and coming out the other end in one piece. 

I can’t believe that I have carried all these insecurities for years and never done anything about it. It’s only now that I am noticing how bad I really was. 

I think when you are in the middle of something you learn to live with it because you believe that there is no way out – you adapt. It has taken me to get healthy, lose weight and write this diary every day to come to the realisation that you can do something about it and there is no need to live with these insecurities any longer. 

Start weight 21st 5lbs

15st 13.8lbs. ⬅️➡️. 75.2lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

101.6kg. ⬅️➡️. 34.9kg⬇️total