Day 219

Saturday 6th August 2016

My sister lives in Australia. She is 4 years younger than me. I would say we are close but I don’t get to see her very often. A few months back just after a family holiday she sent me a message

“I just want to encourage you in this journey Deb. I have watched you for many years try to tackle your weight. I have seen the tears of disappointment and the feelings of unworthiness and defeat when your weight has always won the battle. You have tried many different methods and killed yourself in the gym but your opponent was always just too strong for you to overcome. In all these failed attempts there was just one thing missing. The belief in yourself that you could actually achieve this.

When I saw you on holiday, yes, I noticed the amount of weight you have lost, but in all honesty I have seen you loose weight before, but this time something was different….. now I can actually see in you more than any other time before the belief that now you WILL achieve this. I saw that this time something is different.  

You have control of it, it doesn’t have control of you. 

I saw the greatest willpower in you that I have ever seen before. I watched you everyday for the two weeks of our holiday eat salad that for 45 years you’ve always turned your nose up at. I have watched you make good choices and avoid all binge triggers that would have been there before and out the corner of your eye you’d have longingly sneeked a peak at or told yourself just one handful won’t hurt….but not this time. This time you looked at the delicious things on people’s plates as your enemy. Deb for the first time in this fight of your life I saw you look that demon in the face and say ‘I will defeat you’. I saw in your eyes that who you are is worth far more than how they taste.

Deb, keep going, keep going, keep going because this is the time, yes this is the time that you finally bury that demon in the ground and trample on its grave.

I ask just one thing? You invite me to the funeral…i.e a celebration of a goal achieved, a life returned and a woman set free.

I love you Deb and am immensely proud of you. I best go hit the gym now as before long you will be borrowing my clothes ?”

Since I got that message I have heard that phrase “fighting demons” a lot –  it seems to keep coming up. 

I have never really thought that I had demons I needed to fight before. I would have always said that I am normal with no real problems. Fighting demons is what other people do not someone who is a Christian and attends church every week.

I did however come to realise that I do have them and they live in the fridge. 

I have never been a secret midnight eater but I have for most of my life been a secret eater. If no one saw me eat it, it didn’t happen. 

I used to be a person who had a fridge full of treats. I had a draw that was full of chocolate. When looking in the fridge it is practically impossible to go for the salad or the fruit when there is so much chocolate in it!

I have to say that this year I have stopped being a secret eater and I don’t have chocolates and treats in the fridge anymore. 

So you can say that I really have been fighting those demons and I WON.

Start weight 21st 5lbs

16st 7lbs    ⬅️➡️.     68lbs⬇️total

Start weight 136.5kg

104.8kg.    ⬅️➡️.  32.2kg⬇️total