April 22
Over the last few months I have really struggled with my mental health. I felt that I have gone down a path that I would never go down again.
Before I started this journey of drawing my emotions, writing down my thoughts and sharing these on my blog, I thought I was a person who lived in a dark place, I couldn’t control my emotions and I lived within my own thoughts. I was never diagnosed with depression but I imagine that is what I had. I felt like I had fallen down a pit and it felt comfortable to be there.
I have spent the last five to six years staying out of that pit (having been living in there for many years previous.) It was an effort trying to control these issues and climbing my way out. It’s a place I never thought I would be in again.
I spent time learning about me, my triggers and the tools I needed to prevent me from getting back into that place again. Over the last five to six years it has worked.
However, over the last few months I don’t know how it happened but very quickly, I found myself in that pit again.
I let life’s challenges get the better of me. I started having negative thoughts and low self-esteem. I stopped communicating with others and I love a good party but I couldn’t even be bothered to go to those! I just wanted to stay at home and lost all my energy to do anything.
I am happy to say that I managed to get out of the pit but it wasn’t easy. Years ago, I would have sat myself at the bottom of the pit, with no hope, believing that it was an impossible task. This time though I made an effort and I tried to crawl my way out, I tried to climb out, I tried to use all my strength to get out of this pit. The only way I got out of this pit was when I reached out to others for help.
On reflection of this journey over the last couple of months these are the things I have learned:
Firstly when I was in that pit, I now believe it is possible to get out whereas before I would have just sat at the bottom and would not have put any effort in trying to get out.
Secondly, it has shown me how much I have changed over the last six years.
Thirdly, I believe that the effort it takes to get out of that place is worth it, even though it can be totally exhausting at times.
Fourthly, I have learned that you can’t journey life alone and having people you trust around you is vital for your mental health and well being.
Finally, I am learning that my emotions and thoughts, whilst valid are not facts. My mind can play tricks on me. I just have to pay more attention to my triggers. They are my alarm bells now.
Right now I am in a much better place. For those of you who are reading this and struggle in a similar way, I just want to say that there is hope, there is a way out. You can do it! Self-awareness is key and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Thank you Debbie for another excellent post where you have again ‘bared your soul’ as my Mum used to put it. Although an old fashioned saying, it’s a really helpful description, as you really do expose your inner being to us your audience.
I don’t read it lightly, and I am always impacted by your words, which often hit a raw nerve or two within my own inner being.
You have such a real and helpful way with your words and your illustrations as ever are full of expression, colour and really deep, when I take to time to gaze at length at your amazing work.
I’ve recently received your book back from my second friend who has really enjoyed reading about your transforming journey into better health. Never forget where you have come from and despite life’s twists and turns, your journey speaks so much to so many.
Bless you Debbie. I’m praying you continue to stay strong(er) each day.
Much love Lynda xx