Group Hugs
January 2021
At the beginning of every year I always set a New Year’s resolution. This year, however, is the first year I haven’t made one. I think it is because we are entering into 2021 and I feel like nothing has changed from last year.
I feel to set a new year’s resolution is like saying that there’s a hope for the future. And I have come into this year actually feeling that there is no hope. Things are going to be like this for a long time – here we are in another lockdown which shows that nothing has changed.
Things that keep me going that have always been a help to me is knowing that I have something to look forward to. Having some event, or a holiday, or just going out to see my friends is a huge boost. The fact I haven’t got that has meant that I have started this year totally unmotivated, apathetic and slightly depressed.
After the mental health journey I have been going down, having these feelings is something I really don’t want. I seem to have a battle and fight with my mind every day to overcome my feelings.
One thing I find is really helping is exercise. I have never been self motivated enough to exercise everyday but I have to admit since the beginning of the 1st lockdown in March, it’s one thing that I have been doing and I am enjoying it too.
I am a person who needs to have a goal, needs to see some progression and I need to have a target and things to aim for. I also need to have people around me. I would call myself a people person and I value the time I spend with other people. I am a hugger !! The fact that I can’t even hug my friends is a struggle.
To me, a hug shows that you are there for someone but it also shows that they are there for you too. A group hug shows that a team of people are together, for one another.
Being around other people I feel is very important and knowing that someone is there for you brings hope. During this year of isolation we have had, I have had to try and learn to cope in a different way. And I have come to realise that even though I don’t have the physical connection with friends and family, they are still there for me, they still love me and they still support me. It’s like a virtual group hug. I just hope I can give them as much support as they are giving me.
I do get to see and speak to me friends a lot on the phone and over zoom. One friend has a 3 year old daughter, we get on so well and we chat often. Once she said that she was sending me a hug. She got her arms and wrapped them around her body as tight as she could and said “ that’s for you”. It was the sweetest thing ever, it totally melted me I could just feel the love come through the screen
I have been going through the meaning of the 5 Love Languages, how people receive love. They include:
- Time
- Words of affirmations
- Acts of service
- Gifts
- Physical touch
We all receive love in different ways but there will be some which are more dominant and fill our emotional tank up more than others.
For one of my son’s, his main one is time and at the bottom of the list is physical touch. So for him, isolation has been great because he has had a lot of time with us. And we know that he doesn’t like hugs (but I still try!) But for me, physical touch is high on the list which is why I think I have struggled more during this time.
I also try and put my situation into perspective and realise actually I am blessed. I have loving friends and family (even though I can’t see them). I live in a decent sized house with a garden. We have job security, we have food on the table, our house is warm and we are fit and healthy. I am very aware that people’s struggles are so much harder than mine. We may be in the same storm but we are all in a different boat.
I said at the beginning that I felt I had no hope for the future but in reality, my hope is that this situation will change and we come out of this with more love for one another and greater empathy for people, that our hearts are changed and we follow through in our actions as a result.
So if you are struggling I am sending you a virtual hug. .
