Summer is well and truly over which is a shame because I feel I didn’t really get much of one this year.
The reason was because I got Covid. Matt and Jake had gone to France and I was to join them a few days later and in those few days my son, Jonny, got sent home from work with a positive lateral flow test.
One minute I was packing for France the next I was isolating for 10 days that turned into 2 weeks after I caught it too – even though I was double jabbed.
When your plans change for the worse it can be quite depressing. I remember, besides having Covid symptoms, I had to make sure it wasn’t going to affect me mentally.
During the whole time throughout this pandemic I have been very conscious that I have to keep my mental health in check daily.
Keeping a positive attitude sometimes has been a struggle but during this particular time it was my biggest mental battle.
Someone asked me how I was feeling and I made a comment that really doesn’t make sense but it described how I was feeling. I said it’s like I was watching my depression from the outside.
My previous experience when I have been depressed is that I was closed off and living in my own head, trapped in my own thoughts. I couldn’t look beyond that and I struggled and was overwhelmed in that place.
Here I was now in what I felt was another episode of depression however I was looking at it from the outside. I couldn’t make sense of that feeling.
After our isolation period was over Matt and Jake had returned home. Matt asked what would I like to do with the last 10 days of the summer. My response was I need to get away I was finding the house depressing and I just needed to get away from it.
I said in earlier blogs that when I had depression before I didn’t notice I was in it but it was also a place I didn’t want to leave (probably because I didn’t think I could) and here I was wanting to run as far away from it as I could.
Eventually I had a lovely time away. It also gave me time to reflect on those feelings and I came out with this conclusion. The reason it was like I was looking at depression from the outside meant that I wasn’t actually in it and I had learnt that you don’t have to live there you can get out.
It shows to me just how much I have changed and grown.
