Bolts and Locks
October 2020
This year has just been bonkers! It’s like the whole world has been turned upside down and people are feeling emotional, under pressure and particularly, people are feeling very isolated.
Isolation is a place that I am very familiar with. I was closed off to the world, preferring to live in my own head rather than letting the world in.
Over the last four years, I have worked really hard to not be in that place again. And here we are in 2020 and I am forced to be in that place of isolation.
To be able to give hugs, to see my friends, have people over & to go out without restrictions seems to be a thing of the past. And it is the thing I am finding hardest to cope with.
It feels that when we see people now, we have all these worry thoughts in our minds because of the restrictions in place, and without choice, our doors have these imaginary bolts and locks on.
One thing I have always loved is having visitors round my house and being hospitable and welcoming but I feel I have these imaginary bolts on my door too, keeping people out. But this is the last thing I want to do.
Isolation for me in the past was mainly mental isolation. I was surrounded by people but my mind was a prison. But now I find that even though I am in this year of physical isolation, it hasn’t affected my mental state at all, in fact, I think it has improved.
Five years ago, it would have sent me into depression. Now, I feel I have been very positive. I have had a good outlook on things. If I hadn’t have had that year of discovering myself in 2016 I don’t think I would have coped mentally with 2020.
Before 2016 I thought there was absolutely no way out of the way I was feeling, no way out of those mental health issues I had. I felt that actually there was no hope for me. But there was! And I overcame it by asking for help, admitting I had a problem and confessing to my emotions every day. If you are feeling like I was, I want to encourage you that there is hope. There is a chance to change.
