A Party for One

February 2021

This month I turned fifty. I had planned to have a party at my house and my dad was going to take me and the family to Africa to go on safari for a week. It was something I was really looking forward to. However for obvious reasons it had to all be cancelled.

Back in March when we had our first lockdown I thought to myself that the timing of it was great because it meant it would all be over when my birthday came around and I wouldn’t have to cancel any of my celebrations. Little did any of us know that this pandemic would go on for so long.

I never realised then that I wouldn’t be able to see my family, my friends, go shopping or have a meal out and wouldn’t be able to meet in large groups or go to church.

Every meeting since March, whether it’s a business meeting, a church meeting or just a general meeting with friends, has had to go on Zoom or online. Church services all over the world have had to adapt. And even though it has not been the ideal way to attend church, it’s still been a way to connect and feel a part of it.

A couple of weeks ago at church the message was “comparison kills contentment“ and this has really spoken to me.

Where there has been so much taken away from us during lockdown, comparing what we’ve got to what we could have had, just brings misery.

When I was younger I was one of those people who had a fear of missing out. Very often I was invited to two events that fell on the same night. Having to choose which one to go to was a very difficult decision. I would make my choice and then very soon afterwards change my mind.

When the night came around and I picked an event to go to, I was always a bit miserable as I felt I was missing out on the other event.

I spent my time comparing what I had to what I could have had. I should have chosen to enjoy the moment but instead, it totally killed my contentment. I have to say since then, I have changed a lot and I don’t find myself comparing anymore.

Turning fifty is a milestone and something worth celebrating and all I wanted to do was to have a party and see my friends. But I had to celebrate without them. Months before my birthday and I could see that lockdown was inevitable, I felt that I was going to have to party alone behind locked doors imprisoned in my own home.

However, even though I was at home it was a lovely day. There was a steady flow of gifts and flowers delivered to my door. Matt had organised for a lot of my friends and family to do a video message which was lovely and he cooked a nice meal in the evening.

Even though this birthday was totally different from the one planned, I never once compared it to what I should have had. In fact I was quite content.

This may seem like a petty example. So many people have lost more than a party and a holiday throughout this pandemic. So many people have suffered real trauma during this time. So many people I know have had to cancel big events. My niece had to change her wedding – it was either a choice of not getting married or cutting the guest list to 30 people, she chose to get married which was the best thing even though I couldn’t go. She had a great time and feels she hasn’t missed out.

Now I have reached this place of contentment, I am thinking about what the next step will be…will I want to go back to how it was before? I would like to see my friends and would like to celebrate milestones but I am not sure I want to go back to the busyness of life.

I would like it to be a new normal, taking each day as it comes and feeling content in whatever situation we are in.

I have said, ‘comparison kills contentment’. Don’t let it kill yours.